📝 Note to Self
A cowritten piece reflecting on the silent moments that molded us to who we are today
A cowritten reflection on the silent moments and quiet turning points that became the foundation of who we are today.
Hi, I’m Chenelle Wilson, author of Adventurous Parenting. I’m a mother of two, Physician Assistant, and educator who enjoys reflecting on family, childhood, and the experiences that quietly shape who we become.
This article is especially dear to me because Christine Chapman-Fierz was my first Substack friend. Early in our conversations, we found ourselves discussing how life’s seemingly ordinary moments often influence the course of our lives in extraordinary ways and we set out to share them with you.
A mother first, wife, and coparent, Christine is an author and educational entrepreneur with more than 35 years of experience counseling students and their families. Her writing reflects on parenting, love, education, and living a purposeful life. I am grateful she shared her reflections in this collaborative piece.
The realization of becoming someone different than who you were before
Chenelle’s reflection:
Merely hours after giving birth to my first son, I had a vivid dream of myself lying in a hospital bed, tightly squeezing a stress ball. The sense was that I’d been holding it for years, and then suddenly, I released it and let it fall to the floor. I woke up from that dream feeling relieved, though I wasn’t sure why.
In the months that followed, I became hyper-aware of my child’s needs and emotions. Every assessment of him felt like a reflection of my own inner child. One that still needed healing. It became clear it was time to let go of toxic relationships, self-doubt, and the weight of external expectations.
I began pursuing happiness the same way I would want it for my son. The shift was gradual. Looking back, those old, negative thoughts no longer matched who I was becoming. Simply put, the shoe no longer fit. That realization felt like proof that I had evolved.
What children teach you about yourself that no one else would.
Christine’s reflection:
My children taught me something no one else could. They taught me they were watching, quietly and constantly, not just listening to what I said, but learning from what I accepted, what I explained away, and what I lived with. They showed me that my role modeling mattered more than my natural instinct to smooth things over or make hard situations feel smaller than they were.
They taught me that even when they were young, they could learn from big, uncomfortable choices. They taught me there is power in setting boundaries and maintaining (and revisiting and revising) them. I learned with them and in parenting them that staying is not always strength and that leaving is not always failure. I learned that sometimes the most important thing you can role model is what it looks like to show up in your own truth, self-respect, and forward motion, without explaining every detail. Most importantly, they’re teaching me to surrender and to go with the flow of life, and not try to let my type A personality make me crazy. ;-)
How the definition of love and identity changes over time
Chenelle’s reflection:
Love once used to be a badge that labeled feelings and defined relationships.
Love used to overrule thoughts and feelings towards others.
Love forced me to surround myself with friends and family that were familiar, but not necessarily good for my soul.
Love as a noun used to leave me confused and slightly guarded.
Fortunately, for me, I have found true love within my marriage, and select friends and family.
Love as a verb has released me from this badge that I used to awkwardly wear, trying to appease myself and others.
Love is the choice to be there for people I prioritize, and for it to be reciprocated.
Love is to respect my chosen people, and for it to be reciprocated.
Love is to cherish and be kind to your chosen people, and for it to be reciprocated.
Love was once a noun that confined me.
Now it is a verb that honors and protects me.
What is a pastime that always grounds you regardless of life’s changes?
Christine’s reflection:
Yoga is the one pastime and practice I return to, no matter what season of life I’m in as a mother. When everything feels loud: schedules, emotions, the constant pull of caring for everyone else, it’s the one place I can come back to myself. It doesn’t require perfection or consistency; just a mat, a breath, and the willingness to show up as I am. In those moments, I’m reminded that grounding isn’t about controlling life; it’s about staying present within it.
From a mother’s perspective, that grounding matters more than ever. Yoga gives me the space to pause before I react, to soften when things feel hard, and to steady myself so I can show up for my family with clarity and calm. No matter how much life shifts; with kids growing, challenges unfolding, plans changing, yoga represents me time–the one constant that centers me. It reminds me that taking care of myself isn’t separate from caring for my kiddos, it’s actually an essential part of it.
Thank you for reading Note to Self. Writing these reflections reminded us that the moments that shape us are not always the loudest or most memorable. Often, they are the quiet ones we only recognize in hindsight.
If any part of this piece resonated with you, we’d love to hear your story. What silent moment, unexpected lesson, or turning point helped shape the person you are today?
It only felt right to share the article that first brought Christine and me together. If you’d like to learn more about the reflections and experiences that shaped her perspective, I invite you to continue reading her piece below. ❤️
